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Sex and Marriage: 3 Questions to Ask Yourself

Man and woman in pajamas sitting at the end of their bed with their arms folded and looking away from one another

Marriage problems often arise from sexual issues between a husband and wife. Even in most good relationships, couples deal with sex-related marriage issues from time to time. Unfortunately, most of us find these issues difficult to admit and talk about.

Instead, we tend to deny or hide them until the issues grow into a marriage crisis. The irony in our denial and hiding is that mutually satisfying sex is one of the most important and enjoyable aspects of a healthy marriage. Instead of denying and hiding the issues, it would seem that we would want to do anything to overcome them.

If the expression, “The spark is gone!” pertains to your and your spouse’s sexual relationship, don’t let your fears or embarrassment stop you from seeking marriage help. In the meantime, work to save your marriage by asking yourself the following three questions:

Are we having sex for the right reasons?

“Is there a wrong reason?” you ask. For one, sex can sometimes be used to replace conversation and other interaction as a problem solver. Are you physically intimate with your spouse as a way of denying or hiding conflict in marriage? Or are you having sex to enjoy one another’s company and closeness? If sex together is comforting to you and your spouse during trouble in your marriage, that is fine. Just don’t avoid addressing the problems that need to be solved. If this is a problem, think and talk to your spouse about potential solutions. Perhaps they feel the same way.

How many hours per week are we intimate?

You can estimate here, but think about how much time is spent having sex and being otherwise intimate with your spouse. Are you rushing when you’re together, or do you take time and enjoy being intimate? Is there time in every week in which you devote yourselves to being intimate with each other? Cutting television time to accommodate intimacy is a fairly painless solution. Making intimacy a priority can do wonders in avoiding a marriage crisis.

What does my spouse want?

Interestingly, our sexual needs can change over the years. Something that your spouse once enjoyed may hold different meaning now, and they might want to try some new things. Consider this and think about having a conversation with your spouse about whether ideas you both may have. Sometimes this discussion can open up a world of intimacy you never knew was there.

Above all, keep an open mind and heart when it comes to your sex life as a married couple. If you need it, marriage help is always here. A marriage seminar like A New Beginning is a great place to start learning more about ways to appreciate what you’ve got and how to improve it. You really can have a new beginning.

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